Christmas Joke

Do not try this at home...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa."

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been trampled. Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

My Celebrity Look-alikes

I've seen them everywhere. Almost everyone I know has made one. They're there on their profiles in Friendster, Multiply, personal blogs... everywhere I look. This one's Princess E's. Look at all those hot, lovely celebrities that my dear sis resembles! I am compelled to share mine.


My green face and THREE HUGE eyes are 72% like Angelina Jolie... no kidding! Ahh, I am so pretty! *kembang*

See how pretty you are (by seeing which pretty people you look like...) here.

Fine Dining With Ribena

Read Bee Ree's account of the evening first (lots of pics there).

Yes, I admit I was half an hour early, because I didn't think the traffic along the way to her place would be so low that day (thanks to the previous weeks' riots, people are afraid to travel to KL on weekends). When I met Bee Ree, clad in a neat little black dress, and compared that to my casual jeans and old, faded shirt, I thought grimly - I should've known better. She tried her utmost best to convince me that she'd been wearing the dress the whole day and even did her grocery shopping in it, so it wasn't a big deal, it was just a plain dress, bla bla bla. Well, I wasn't convinced! A while later, I met Chef Tee Ree, who was busy in dinner preparation, but still could remember to remind Bee Ree to call the rest of the guests and ask them where they were and when they would arrive. One was on the way, the other was still at home. They arrived eventually, and made cheeky comments about it being rude to arrive early at the hosts' in Mexican culture. *cheh*

The dinner table was beautifully set for 5, with a lovely bunch of white and purple flowers in the middle and a single flower in the center of the professionally folded napkins on each plate. Bee Ree even took the trouble to print our names on little tags and placed one at each set to show where we'd be sitting. If you haven't seen this girl, you don't know what kua cheong is. Oh, did I mention the napkins matched the table cloth? *impressed* We poked our noses into the kitchen area where Chef was busy working and made more cheeky comments on Bee Ree slicing apples.

Dinner began shortly and what a feast it was! We didn't only have the best food cooked meticulously to perfection, but we had the utmost suitable drink to go with them - Ribena! I believe the poor Chef Tee Ree wasn't very pleased when we decided to take his painstakingly planned menu of fine-dining-quality dishes with this childish blackcurrent drink, but he good-naturedly allowed it to be served, and even had a couple glasses himself. For an expert wine-lover that he is, that was a huge sacrifice (not to mention his having already sacrificed his golf session to cook for us!). Both Mee Mee and Shell Shell had two helpings of the pasta, Mee Mee had 2 helpings of dessert #1, and Mee Mee and I managed to completely empty the last of dessert#2, all the while wailing "I can't eat anymore!". That says a lot about how we felt about the dinner (and about Mee Mee's monstrous appetite... hahahahah).

After dinner we spent a crazy couple of hours laughing, chatting, teasing, and knocking each other about around the Christmas tree. And yes, we even got some lovely Christmas presents from Shell Shell, and "door gifts" from Bee Ree & Chef Tee Ree.

I went home reeling from the whole experience of extreme culinary skills, superb hospitality, and incomparable dining companionship. Two days later I was still reeling. Aaahhhhhh. :)

THANK YOU everyone!

Freaky Tale

It was in the evening, the sun was at the verge of setting, and I was driving along this long, straight, road. There were no other cars, and I was driving very slowly, being feverish and feeling faint. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a white dog appeared by the road's divider. It attempted to cross, but stalled, as I approached it. What a creature it was - pure white from head to tail, lean and graceful. I drove past the the canine. Perhaps it was it's striking impression, the solitudinous road, or a feverish fancy - that made me feel inclined to look at the enchantingly appealing creature again. I gazed into the rear-view mirror.

There was no dog. In its stead, was a long-haired young lady, in a billowing pure white dress that fell to her feet. What a sight - she slender and graceful, her dress snowy-white and flowing. She stared about upon the road, as if about to cross it. It was such an arresting view I could not take my eyes off the mirror. Moments later, I came to my senses and my blood chilled. Gosh, what have I seen? Was it all a delusion of my tired mind, sick with fever?

I drove steadily on, still unable to take my eyes off the rear-view mirror. A second later, I saw the white dog again...

... a few meters away from the girl in white.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relieve. I wasn't seeing "things" after all. Ahem!

It's still a wonder that I didn't see the girl when I was approaching the dog, but it was very well that she could've crossed from the other side of the road while I wasn't looking. Of course, I am pretty sure she had legs... under all that white fabric of her skirts... I think.

A Gift

Before I even started writing, I realised how entirely arrogant, self-serving and boastful this post (and those which will follow suit) will sound. First - well, I know I am not an arrogant person - so perhaps it is alright to be a little arrogant once in a while on a blog? Secondly, everyone deserves some self-serving writing which don't harm anyone. And being boastful - now, I don't mean to, and will never want to be boastful (if it appears that way, please know that I don't mean it!). Right - I shall begin.

CS, who is one of my first room-mates, whom I call a dear sister, is going to be married in March next year, and I have the privilege to prepare a photo slideshow for the wedding!!! OK, you're thinking - yea, big deal. YES, IT IS A BIG DEAL! This is her once-in-a-lifetime, and she trusts me enough to let me do the slideshow! Me - who doesn't any professional multimedia / design experiences. Me - who is practically hopeless in art and creativity. (polar bear, if you dare leave a sarcastic comment on this......... beware!) Thank you, CS! And thank you, Elina, for suggesting it!

The first thing was to determine the song for the slideshow. CS gave me this URL and mentioned that she loves a song that plays on the website. I went to the site, heard the song (yes, it's a very sweeeeet one) and found out that there's no information on the title nor artist. Problem? No problem. A friend had time and time again proven to me that Google solves all your problems.

I listened closely, typed whatever bits and pieces of lyrics I can catch into Google search textbox, included the keyword "lyrics", and a few clicks later, I had the song title. Then, it was off to Google's YouTube, and within seconds I was looking at dozens of videos of the song title. Based on the voice of the singer and with a little luck, I found the version CS wanted in no time. Thank you, Google! Getting the audio file is something I'd rather to elaborate. *Ahem*

The first step is taken. I forsee some challenges ahead. I hope to make this gift as perfect as I am capable of for CS, so of course, if my multimedia-expert friends have any tips and pointers, all are welcome.

:)

Remedy

When you get very extremely pissed, you can try to remedy with a joke marathon:

#1
What is a Kiss?
Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.

#2
Male or Female?
FREEZER BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES: Male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Male, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this - it easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

#3
Elementary Science
- One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
- The law of gravity says it's not fair jumping up without coming back down.
- Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
- Lime is a green-tasting rock.
- Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
- In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
- A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
- A monsoon is a French gentleman.
- It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

Still pissed. Damn.

C++ defines friends to perfection: Friendship is granted, not taken.

If you grant someone your friendship, it doesn't mean that that person grants you his/hers in return. If you are sincere and true in being a friend, it doesn't mean you are in the least appreciated, and definitely doesn't mean anything you gave will be reciprocated. If you gave your heart out, it stands a good chance of being stomped and trampled on.

Most of the time, only those you really care about, those whom you thought were your true friends can piss you off so severely, and hurt you so deeply.

For One More Day

I had read both Mitch Albom's first and second novel, Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven . I must admit I didn't like the second book very much. I was having second thoughts when I saw Mr Albom's third novel but bought For One More Day anyway, just to complete the "collection". I didn't read it until it had been resting in my bookshelf for several months. After I did, I am compelled to say that this novel far surpasses The Five People You Meet In Heaven.

Charles "Chick" Benetto was a broken man who lived on alcohol, in misery and regret, and who'd lost his job and left his family. The last straw came when he found out that he'd been deliberately left out of his only daughter's wedding, and he decided to kill himself.

The night he planned to die, he got drunk and drove towards his birthplace - to "end his life where it began" - only to be involved in an accident, which he miraculously survived. For a brief moment he saw his mother, just as she was before she died, 8 years ago. He was certain it was a hallucination. He staggered up a water tower and threw himself down. He didn't die.

Towards dawn, he managed to find his way back to his old home, found the key and made his way in - and beheld his mother in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Chick Benetto would spend that day with his deceased mother - that one more day which thereafter changed his life.

Just as he'd done with his previous two bestsellers, Mr Albom had cleverly weaved the narration of the "present" day with flashbacks and reminiscence of the past. Glimpse by glimpse, piece by piece, Chick's childhood, teenage and early adulthood were put together to form a wistful picture - how he'd never fully appreciated his mother's love and attention in chasing for his father's, how he'd never stood up for her while she always did for him, how he'd been away when she died. And he had one day - to hear her speak again, and to really listen, to feel her love again, to discover secrets and to tell her how he loved her.

What if you had one more day with someone you'd lost? What would you do for one more day? These questions were posted on the book's official site.



He's been gone 6 years now. He would have turned 60 today. What would I do if I had one more day with him? I don't know - I don't want just one more.

You're A Girl!

"You're a girl!" a guy with a permanently damaged head said to me when I met him at my event yesterday. Yes, I am a girl, despite you having addressed me as Mr neil in all your email correspondences with me previously. I have (in my very correct opinion) a very feminine Chinese name and I'd never thought that my name could ever be gender-ambiguous. However, of late, I'd been addressed as MR and EN (encik) by several people, on several occassions in correspondence. This had never happened before! I had been incorrectly addressed as Prof neil once (ahem! but he was the author of the textbook I was using and was responding to a query of mine, so it's not surprising that he thought I was some big-shot professor) and Mr neil once (he accused me of defaming him just because I told him he cannot use the same MCQs in the final exams for 2 semesters in a row... so we all roughly know his IQ). Maybe it's the different people that I deal with now, but I had never been thought a man by so many different people, so many times! And how am I supposed to respond when they began their emails with "Dear Mr neil..."? Am I to reply "I'm MS neil"? "I'm female"? "I'm not a man"? No matter what the words and how they are arranged, telling someone you're not a man like they assumed, is very awkward.

Someone suggested that I use an English name - one that is unmistakably feminine. This is a very good idea, though I really love my Chinese name, and do want to simply just keep to it. There are many advantages to using an English name of your choice - you can choose a really pretty name that reflects your style or personality, people tend to remember you much more easily, and people will NOT mistaken your gender!

I was seriously contemplating adopting an English name when today, another guy who also had permanently damaged his head, who also had previously addressed me as Mr neil in his emails, whom I also met and spoke to at my event yesterday, sent me an email. It began "Dear Mr neil...". Right. Feminine English name? Forget about it. Don't bother. I probably look like a man anyway.

Female Wrath

We were talking about how some IT people are very highly paid. Still, most of us had experienced various IT-related problems at work. I pointed that out.

"You see, pay the fella RM15k a month and he does a lousy job!"

My lovely friend was already disgruntled with the highly-paid-IT-guys fact, and that comment of mine set her off uncontrollably:

"If my IT guy is paid 15k and does a lousy job..... I'll make sure I kick his ass every morning! And then I'll -

1. Add laxative in his coffee
2. Reformat his hard disk as and when I like
3. Unplug the server anytime I feel like
4. Make sure finance delay payment to TM, so no internet connection from time to time
5. Talk bad about him around the office and bitch about him anytime I like
6. If he has a GF I will make the GF so jealous that she gives him a hard time
7. Spread malicious gossips about him to vendors
8. Steal his mobile phone and flush his sim cards into the toilet
9. Purposely open all his letters and say 'Sorry I thought they were for me'
10. Steal his parking card so he has problem applying for new one
11. If he got touch n go or smart tag... throw them away or donate to ppl who need them
12. Throw rubbish at his place so the janitor will complain - you know aunty janitor can scold very long wan lar

All these good ideas are fun!"

Moral of the story? Never offend a lady. Never ever EVER offend a smart lady with creative ideas. Never!

Bodoh Bodoh Lunch

After being postponed 3 times, it finally happened. We were to meet at 1pm. The earliest to arrive was 10 mins late. The latest was close to 30 mins late, and it was because she actually thought the appointment was at 1.30pm. It was the first time the girls from Unihostel House No 12 got together, since everyone graduated. There were 6 of us in the house, but only 4 of us made it today. We met for lunch. The restaurant, built upon a Balinese theme, was renamed Bodoh Bodoh by my over-creative roomie, Bee Ree. Both she and Shell Shell looked great, whereas Mee Mee looked like she just woke up. It was strange and exhilarating to see them all at once. To sit down with them, all together again, after so many years was... funny.

Funny, that it didn't seem like years had passed since we last spent time together as a group. Funny, that it didn't seem like I hadn't met Shell Shell in about 6 years, and really funny that this (extremely rare) lunch gathering felt as familiar as if we've been in the habit of doing it all along. There were questions and answers, teasing and laughter, even a few slaps on arms. I enjoyed their company so much I didn't really taste the food I ate (therefore, can't say much about food at Bodoh Bodoh) Bee Ree got me a gift for my birthday (thank you so much! you shouldn't have...) and even entertained me with her classic facial expression () a couple of times. Mee Mee had gifts for everyone too (thank you!!!).

After lunch, Shell Shell had to leave. Bee Ree and I were not so ready to call it a day yet, so we crashed into Mee Mee's residence. There we took some photos, took some really silly photos and talked our hearts out. Yes, we talked our hearts out even though Mee Mee's other half was in the same room all the time (men never listen anyway...) We also took some time to admire Bee Ree's new watch, and comment on how heavy it was, and how you'd get larger muscles wearing it. It was just like the old times in our HB3 room (minus The Sims) If I could slow time down, I would. But I couldn't - so it was soon time to go, and we had to go.

Please visit Bee Ree's blog for more stories on this gathering, and for photos too. If the post is not there right now, it'll be there tomorrow. If it isn't, it'll be there the day after tomorrow. (My point is, Bee Ree is definitely going to blog about this)

I had such a great time today. Thank you, girls!

By Bee Ree

Oct 24 edit: Thank you dear friends for all the birthday greetings and wishes!

Laugh With Me

This is a parody of Banana Boat Song by Stan Freberg. Listen carefully:



A decade+ ago, I recorded this song from my (then) favourite radio station - Radio 4, and played the cassette for my friends. We'd listen to it repeatedly, each time laughing out of control. I still have that the song in a cassette somewhere in my piles of my old stuff, but I haven't played it since that decade ago. I'd never thought I'd stumble upon it again, and that someone had made such a funny, adorable video to go with it didn't hurt at all :)

The lyrics:

Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

Day, he say..
(Man, I'm gonna have to ask you not to shout like that)
Well.. (it's like right in my ear)

It goes with the song
(Yeah, but don't holler in my ear, man)

Well, it's authentic Calypso shout
(Yeah, but try standing next to me, man)

Well, the shout go with the bongo drums
(Not my bongo drums, man I mean, move away)

Well, I don't see why
(No, no, no, stand over next to the guitar, man)

He sent me over here
(Yeah, well, then sing soft, man you know, I mean like, wow)

Ok, day... (It's too loud, man)
Day... (that's better)

Me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day
Me say day-o, daylight come
And me wan go home (Yeah, man)

Work all night on a drink of rum
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

Stack banana till the morning come
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

Lift six foot, seven foot (Hold it, man)
Eight foot bunch (Hold it, man)
Daylight come and (Too loud, man)
Me wan go home (Too loud)

Lift six foot, seven foot (Hold it, man)
Eight foot bunch (Hold it, man)
Daylight come and
Me wan go home (My ears, man, like my ears)

Day... (no, hold it, man)
Me say day-o...
(It's too shrill, man, it's too piercing)

Well, I don't see why
(No, it's too piercing, man, it's too piercing)

Well, I got to do the shout
(No, man, it's too piercing, like I don't dig loud noises)

Well, you ruined the whole (Piercing) record is what you did
(Yeah, well, tough, I'll take my bongos and go, man)
(Cause the whole is like bugging me, anyhow)

Yeah, well, wait a minute I won't shout
(No, man, like I didn't wanna make this gig in the first place)

Oh, no, wait a minute I'll be soft
(Yeah, well then back off from me, man)
(It's too piercing)

Okay, how's this, day-o (Too loud, man)
Okay, day-o (Too loud, man, I can still hear you)
(Would you mind leaving the room)

Okay
*footsteps leaving*
Day, me say day-o (Crazy)
*footsteps entering*
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

*footsteps leaving*
Day, me say day-o
*footsteps entering*
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
Daylight come and
Me wan go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

(No, man, don't sing about spiders)
(I mean, like I don't dig spiders)
Well, that's how the song goes
It goes hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and
Me wan go home

(Is that it, can I leave now)
Not yet, we got a big finish

*footsteps leaving*
Day
Me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day
Me say day-o

*knocking*
Hey, I locked myself out (Crazy)

*window breaks*
I come through the window (Yeah)

Daylight come and
Me wan go home

Hahahahahah. Laugh with me. Wahahahahahahah!

Drunkards

It was late and we had just finished yoga class. We were inside the car, getting ready to go home. A man was walking past in front of us, at the corridor of the shoplot, carrying a huge umbrella. The umbrella was opened and he had it over his shoulder. The corridor was spacious, except where there were pillars, creating a narrower pass between them and the wall. As he went through one of these, which were indeed too narrow for his large, opened umbrella, the man got jerked back by his umbrella which couldn't pass through. Following that, he attempted to take another step forward and jerked back again because his umbrella still couldn't get through. And he was clueless. It was like a scene from a Disney cartoon. We looked at one another and at him again and laughed! "He must be drunk!"

And we drove off. There was a taxi on the road, moving extremely slowly, uncertainly and we were right behind it. "I've never seen a taxi go so slowly before!" and a millisecond later, the front wheel on the driver side hit and went up the raised divider in the middle of the road, followed by the rest of the wheels, until the whole vehicle tumbled onto the other side. And the driver still drove on, at the same crawling pace - in the direction opposite to traffic! "This one must be drunk also..." Was it a let's-all-get-drunk night?

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
5. It makes fellow employees look better.
6. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
8. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
9. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
10. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.

Cheers! It's past noon on a Wednesday and the work week is half gone :)

What Makes Me Happy

Last weekend, I went shopping with my friend. We've been walking for hours without getting what we wanted, when we came across an Estée Lauder promotion booth for their fragrance. I didn't notice the name of the fragrance, but I noticed their very nice posters... something like this one I found on their site:



Since their line is "life is sweet", they used delightful little (non-edible, I believe) cakes and such to decorate their display cases. As we walked past the booth, I noticed they placed a large tv at one side, showing a cake decoration demo. Being the curious thing I sometimes am, I stopped to watch. And being a blur thing I once in a while can be, I realised it was a live demo only after a few minutes. A lady was decorating a cake at the other side of the booth, and there was a camera on her work, feeding live to the tv. Silly me.

I marched straight to the spot where the demo was, with my poor friend trailing behind. The lady completed the cake, and turned it towards the audience. People started squeezing to the front and taking out the handphones to snap photos of the cake. Why, never seen a decorated cake before? But I did the same too (if you can't beat them, join them). It was really very lovely:



And there were some others:



Then the lady said "Now, we are going to decorate some cupcakes to be given away", and she did one immediately, while her assistant decorated another. I've never seen such adorable cupcakes (except in cookery books):



The first two cupcakes were taken by aunty#1 who stretched out both hands and took both. (Yeah, some people have the nerve!) The third cupcake was taken by aunty#2 who passed it to her somebody and immediately waited for the next. The lady picked up purple icing for the next one, and upon casting eyes on it, I decided I must have it (i.e. beat aunty#2 to it). So the moment the decorating was completed, I stretched my short arm out as far as it could possibly go, and flashed the lady my best can-I-have-that look. Of course, I got the cupcake. It made my day:



I was so happy! I was happy not because I love to eat cupcakes - but because I got a cupcake, and such a delightfully pretty one! I kept telling my friend how happy I was, over and over again, that she probably had the urge the smash that cupcake into my face. But I was so happy!

We continued walking around, with me carrying the cupcake in my hands, as if it was the greatest treasure I could ever have had. I must say the marketing team for Estée Lauder had done well with this promotion, because twice shoppers came up to us and asked where we got that cupcake and twice I sent potential customers to their promotion booth. And here I am now, writing about it as well...

Princess E wrote about the little things in life that makes her happy (read it here). I can't help thinking of her post when I saw how happy a little cupcake made me. Of course, there are a lot of other things that can make me happy as well (like $$$ maybe?). So people, start looking around you for things that make you happy :)

Old Ladies & Computers

Senior citizens should pick up computer skills? I say - please spare them. Take my mom for example - Microsoft should appoint her as their official bug-finder. I don't know how she does it, but she always managed to discover never-before-seen-or-heard bugs in her MS software. One time, it was her MS Word auto-changing the font type every other word she typed. The "bug" persisted despite my having formatted the document as a whole several times. Then, there were times when she copied photos into a folder only to find that they were not really there later, "mysterious" duplicates of files appeared out of nowhere, "mysterious" icons suddenly there on her desktop, her printer printing only alternate lines of her document... the list goes on. (Once, it was "I cannot log out of the website!" and upon further questioning, I discovered she didn't log in in the first place)

And the latest case - her Windows Media Player went berserk. I had previously shown her how to use that to copy songs from audio CDs into her HDD (she wrote down the steps; she writes down steps for doing everything on her computer - even accessing a website) and since then she'd copied tracks from a few CDs. Of course, she left them at the default location, with the default folder & file names. A couple of nights ago, she complained that something was wrong. She just copied songs from a CD and all her previous songs went missing! I was like "Har?" Some of the existing folders were empty, some still had half the tracks (the other half missing), one had duplicates of several tracks, and she claimed the tracks in that folder were from different albums. It was like her whole My Music directory were rearranged in a random way, with some of the tracks missing for good.

I was so sure it was something she did, and to prove otherwise, she placed a CD into the drive, waited for the autorun action window to appear, and selected "Copy Music from CD" from the list. Windows Media Player appeared, and the tracklist was shown - all checked for copying. She clicked on "Copy Music" and the ripping began. Then I saw it - Windows Media Player copied tracks 1-3, skipped to track 5 (at the same time listed track 4 as "Done"), copied tracks 6 & 7, skipped to track 9 etc. And what's more bizzare, her "My Music" folder contained 1 folder for each of the tracks ripped (1 track in each folder) and when I stopped the copying process, all the newly-created folders were emptied out!

"I really don't know what is wrong. Cannot help you."

And she sulked a bit and grumbled about how "highly educated" I was in the field of computers and yet I don't want to help her. Sigh. Senior citizens! But to be fair, I must say she is a lot better than her peers. A couple of years ago, a friend of hers (also a senior citizen) called her to ask about something computer-related. As fate would had it, she was not at home, and I answered the call. After the caller asked if I was my mom's daughter and after getting the affirmation, she decided to direct her question to me instead. The following was our conversation, roughly translated from mandarin:

the aunty: What is installer?
me : Har? What installer?
the aunty: Yes, installer. What is that?
me: Erm... if you want to install a program, you use the installer.
the aunty: So what is installer? My computer instructor say can buy from computer shop.
me: Yes. What program do you want to install?
the aunty: I don't know. The instructor said get installer then can already.
me: Errr... but what program do you want to install?
the aunty: Don't know. So I just go into the shop and ask for installer?
me: Yes, but you need to tell them what program the installer is for.
the aunty: Don't they know? I just ask for installer they should know right?
me: I think you need to ask your instructor again about which program he wants to you install.
the aunty: Right. Can installer be easily bought from any computer shop?
me: Well, yes.
the aunty: How does installer look like?
me: ??????
the aunty: I mean what shape is it?
me: Ah... errr... round? It usually comes in a CD.
the aunty: OK. Thank you!

When my mom got home after that, I complained to her about her aunty friend. My mom went like "So what is installer?" (I should had seen that coming...) Fortunately, when I explained to her, she understood with relative ease. Then, I told her I am never going to layan her aunty friends' phone calls concerning computers, ever again!

Wholesome Lunches

There is this group of super health-conscious people at work, who pack lunches from home every day. Sometimes, due to the difficulty of obtaining (nice) food around where I work, I too will bring lunch from home. Such then, I ate together with the health-conscious group. The first time I did, I had a couple of coconut buns which I grabbed hurriedly from a bakery the evening before. What the others had astounded me. One had wholemeal bread with steamed chicken ham and fresh greens, another had a whole bunch of greens (salad without dressing), yet another had a container-ful of different shades of greens, plus carrots and corns. Gulp. Fine, I went on with my low-nutrition, high-saturated fat and high-cholesterol food. As we ate, they started talking about nutrition. Yoghurt, fruits or cereal for breakfast. Salads and wholemeal sandwiches for lunch. Oh yes, please steam whatever that needs cooking. We need to watch closely what we eat. Buy fresh organic vegetables only...

The more I listened to them, the more I thought of how abusive I am towards my digestive system and my body's well-being. So then, I must learn to eat more healthily. I need to increase intake of fresh vegetables and fruits, grains, yoghurt, and reduce all fat-and-cholesterol-laden stuff. Right, I must make it a point to watch my diet, to plan each meal carefully, do what's right by my body...

That was several weeks ago. My meals, as of today, are still low-nutrition, high-saturated fat and high-cholesterol. Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off today. Ahem!

Tuesday Blues

I am sick. I have been sick for nearly a week now, and my day off yesterday was spent being sick at home. Should have taken it as a medical leave instead... what a waste!

- I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
- Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
- Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
- Procrastinate now!
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
- A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Drag a table and chair out tonight; enjoy your mooncakes under the moonlight; if you're lucky, you just may see chang-er (in your dreams la) Happy Mid-Autumn Festival. I am sick... and craving for fried oysters with egg (oh jien).

Happy Girlfriends' Day

Girlfriends are the best things that happen to girls and they deserve to be honoured and loved. :)

To my girlfriends...


... who made me look forward to going to school every morning and stayed back till evening, six days a week


... who demonstrated that internal organs can have out-of-body experiences


... who proved to me that sisters are not just those bound by blood, and can be gotten outside the home


... who showed me that a little cheekiness can be a lot of fun, and never harmed anyone


... who made me realise that too much studying will only provide one's sister with more amusement


... who discovered that being over-the-line crazy can release all exam tensions


... who became a terrific karate partner despite my being too short for her


... who gave me hope that not all everyone in Kiasu University had to be kiasu


... who disproved the general belief that lecturers are serious, boring creatures


... who made sure every outing is fun just by being part of it


... who are marvellous in every way

... and also to all my other girlfriends (whose pics I hadn't manage to include) -
I ♥ you all!

It's great to be a woman because ...

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Cabs stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

What would we do without girlfriends?



Happy Girlfriends' Day... whenever it is.

Fake Fire Real Drill

Early in the morning, I had heard colleagues talk about a fire drill, which would be conducted later in the morning. Cheh, I thought. I thought wrong. So wrong.

At 10+ am, the fire alarm went off.

"Oh, that's the drill... let's go."
"Leave everything behind."
"I don't wanna leave my handbag behind."
"Just take your handphones la."

If there was a real fire, I don't want to leave my handbag behind to be burned... along with my money, IC, keys etc... *and I took my handbag along... what the heck*

We exited the building via some flights of stairs and while walking toward the carpark where everyone was to gather, we saw a big puffs of black smoke billowing out of the spot where the CEO's office is.

"Wow... this is real ar!"
"No, it's just a drill"
"But really got smoke!!!" *and my colleagues just laughed at me*

At the carpark, I noticed that cardboards printed with each department's names were placed on stands, so employees will know where they were supposed to line up, and I was quite convinced that it was a drill... not the real thing. Something else that confirmed that there wasn't any actual fire:

.
... "victims" having time to take umbrellas while evacuating the "burning" building

A while later, my jaw dropped when I noticed how convincingly real this fire drill was. The entire emergency rescue fleet appeared within minutes (I was told this fire drill functioned as a drill for them too - to test their response time) :


... the police


... the Bomba (they came in 2 or 3 fire engines!)


... the ambulance, complete with paramedics


... and a real firefighter spraying real water out of a real firehose

Despite the very hot weather, I was impressed enough to quit my shadowy nook (the shade cast by a Toyota Unser at the carpark) to snap photos! There were full-uniformed police officers "watching" over the "operation" and the firefighters were in full gear - protective clothing, masks, oxygen tanks and all! They even got 2 employees to take the role of the injured and were actually placed on stretchers and hauled into the waiting ambulance. And then the ambulance sped off! I remember thinking - if the poor "victims" really got ferried to the hospital, how on earth were they to get back to the office later? (in the evening, a colleague told me that the paramedics were actually not informed that the "victims" were not real - only the ER doctors at the hospital knew. *ok, I think this is too much*!)

After the whole thing was over and we were all back in our office with its very welcomed air-conditioning full-blast, I told a few friends online about the exciting episode. One guy didn't seem impressed at all.

"Last time we also got the bomb drill, and the bomb squad came"

Wow! That must be more exciting than our fire drill! Could we have a bomb drill somewhen in the near future? How did they evacuate? Did they move everyone away?

"Nope - stood under the hot sun outside the building for 30-40mins, before they completed their play and we were allowed back to office"

Outside the building? What kind of bomb drill is that? If the "bomb" detonates and the building blows apart... everyone will die all the same. Still, I wouldn't mind experiencing a bomb drill :P

A while later I was telling another guy about our exciting fire drill, and about the first guy's bomb drill experience. He had an idea:

"Better still - a nuclear radiation drill... people in space suits come!"

Oooh. I would love to have that! And they would give each and every one of us "victims" a space suit to wear too!

"And we act mutated"

Hahahah. That'll be the ultimate drill of our lives... if it ever happens. Meanwhile, I have to make the amusement I got from the recent fire drill to last me till the weekend *tomorrow is friday!*

Joke for a Monday

What's worse than a Monday morning? A rainy Monday morning. And what's worse than that? A Monday morning after a looooooooooong Merdeka weekend. Sigh. Here's a little joke to alleviate those Monday blues...

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline company, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the Successes of our sons... What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...What a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

Monday... ... ... counting the days till Friday.

Broken "YODA" English

This is the side-effect of Bee Ree and Nee Lee having published posts on English yesterday (bee ree's; nee lee's). It all started when Nee Lee, in her attempt to express an idea in broken English, sent Bee Ree a message with all the words in the sentence jumbled up in a random order. Then...

bee ree: yes u do sound like Yoda

bee ree: eat i must

bee ree: and eat i have

nee lee: post written I english on blog on

nee lee: go should you read now it

bee ree: yes i must

bee ree: and wil i yes

nee lee: break cup wash toilet now go I brb

bee ree: hahahhahaahhahahahhahaha

bee ree: so german lar

nee lee: I really like that last part

bee ree: lez spek german then

bee ree:

bee ree: i think i will have a hard time understanding and ended up with killing more brain cells

bee ree: i prefer speaking yoda language

nee lee: I can't german speak no all at

nee lee:

bee ree: see i can

bee ree: shit i will

bee ree: exuse me lar nee lee...i lurve tat part "shit i will"

nee lee: in cold so very here

bee ree: the very same here

bee ree: rain must be the

nee lee: outside dark looking very

bee ree: okie let's stop it...i am luffin like a tin kai here

bee ree: coz i am imaginating our voice like YODA

nee lee: tin laughing kai why do you

nee lee: imagine yoda you do like faces well as green?

bee ree: me tin laughing kai...coz imaginating i am that speaking we in yoda's voice

bee ree: do i yes

bee ree: and stumpy and short and frail with tat stopid robe

nee lee: tears me eyes down cheeks mad falling like

bee ree: dun kry nee lee

bee ree: i love you

nee lee: too love i you

bee ree:

bee ree: ok can u promise to stop now

bee ree: coz i am still luffin

bee ree: and my staffs are askin why

nee lee: too me well laughing as

nee lee: this conversation you save ought to publish and blog on your

bee ree: wah my blog bcome bad english blog already

nee lee: post extension today's of perhaps be can it an

bee ree: nee lee pls stop

bee ree: i just left a comment at ur engrish blog

bee ree: u know tee ree alwiz tell me...

bee ree: beeree blog teeree flog

bee ree: wat does flog means?

nee lee: be frog may mispronounciation the it word of

nee lee: is up of flog official meaning beat to

bee ree: flog = GOLF

bee ree: terbalik

nee lee: smart you very are

bee ree:

nee lee: know meaning don't wor zeng of

bee ree: i think by 6pm i will be dumb and retarded

bee ree: if we continue to speak like this

nee lee: be to you --> will from

bee ree: apa u cakap wor?

nee lee: must unscramble the you sentence in words the

bee ree: yes u must

nee lee: tell did irc mee mee I using drove I somebody wall sims up you language the and?

nee lee: fun so was it

bee ree: i dun understand

bee ree: coz i am retarded

bee ree:

nee lee: ok my brain is bleeding and hurting

I don't think we will be writing any posts on English for some time now...

English Post

After reading Bee Ree's post on "England", I am inspired to post this piece which I had received in my e-mailbox some years back. It never failed to amuse me. Enjoy:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Hav a plesant day und a gret wekend ahed.

Conversations of Anons

It was about 5.30pm on a Friday, and Anon1 told me "Sien lar... wanna go home now" "Me too" I said. A little bit more whinning later, Anon1 said "share something with u so u can have stomach cramp" (cramp resulting from keeping from laughing out loud). This is what Anon1 shared with me:

i said "thank you for your help Anon2." Anon2 replied "it's my pressure." PRESSure???? hello??? did i tell u about the EXIT thing? Anon2 said "you cannot use this exist.....you must use the loading exist. if u need to use this exist, please inform the security in advance in order for them to help you to exist." okie, called her to ask where to meet for our meeting "which floor Anon2?" Anon2 said "village floor." "huh?? village?" "yes.....village floor." "ermm...*scratch head*...can u pls spell it?" and Anon2 said " R-E-L-I-S-H......village floor." duh!!! lucky she can spell.

By this time, I was not only having severe abdominal spasms, but also hiccups and at risk of internal organs bleeding. Obviously Anon1 does not like Anon2. I asked if there is a photo of Anon2 I can look at. Anon1 provided me with one. There were a few people in the shot. "Which one is Anon2?"

the one like "tin kai" one. and a face so tembam like bread rendam-ed in water for one nite

I laughed so hard at this I temporarily lost the ability to type...

Thanks, Anon1, for such an amusingly grand finale to last week :D

The Road Not Taken

Mirrored image taken from (Rose's Murals)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

by Robert Frost, 1916

Have you, would you, wonder? Had I not gone the way I did, where would I be on the road not taken? Should I continue on the road less traveled by?

The Scary Month

The gates of hell have opened, and the spirits are free to roam on earth for a whole month, starting from yesterday (1st day of the 7th lunar month). I have personally observed that road accidents happen frequently and abundantly during this time every year, and heard quite a number of stories of "sightings" and "incidents". I know many people "don't believe in ghosts" but still, it doesn't hurt to be more careful and a little superstitious for the next 30 days or so.

Some things to take note of:
1. Don't speed on the roads (for obvious reasons)
2. Don't stay too late in the office (unless you don't mind 'company')
3. Don't go out at night ('yin' energy is too strong)
4. Don't look into mirrors in the middle of the night (it's a path to 'their' world)
5. Don't hang clothes out to dry at night ('they' may get trapped in them)
6. Don't leave bathroom doors open when you sleep (the bad energy will flow out)

Polar Bear suggested the following as well:
7. Don't wear black (black means 'black luck')
8. Don't swim (many 'friends' are looking for replacement)
9. Don't take photos (photos may show some 'extra friends')

Believe it or not, just becareful. It's the Hungry Ghost Festival. (anyone has anymore to add to the list?)

The Day

The day before. I have to collect the robe. Since it was a Friday and we have extended lunch hour on Fridays, my plan was to drive over to campus during lunch, collect the robe, and that's it. My friend and fellow graduate, JK, who drove all the way from Penang, reached about 10+am. At 11am, he called me. "The line is very long!" Gosh. I forgot to take into account the super important parameter - the crowd - in my plan. JK informed me that there were FOUR (4) separate lines we'd need to queue: 1) to register for the robe, 2) to get the robe, 3) to get invitation cards and 4) to register and test our smart-cards. I nearly fainted. He'd been queueing up for item (1) for some time now, and was getting near to the front of the queue. A quick check with the guard confirmed that he could register for me on my behalf, if he had my smart-card with him. "Can you come over now?" It was another hour to lunch, but I couldn't risk having to start from the end of the super long queue myself. I told him to wait for me at all costs, I would be rushing over. I practically ran up to my manager, told him about the situation, and ran down to my car. I got to campus, called JK "Where is the FIT building ar?" (It's a new building, newly-erected, never before visited by us) He told me to walk pass FOE building and the library, and on until I see a big, white building. Well, OK - if I can't see it, I will ask my way around till I find it. Once I made past the library, there was no more mistake which one the FIT building was - the queues from the building had extended all the way out of the building, into the open area, all the way to nearly the lecture theatres. *gasp* I followed the lines of people and eventually reached the front of the incredible queue for item (1). I called JK, passed my smart-card to him and 5 minutes later, we're both registered for the robe collection. Next step - robe collection. There were several queues at several different locations of the building. I asked a girl in one of the queues "Excuse me, what is this line for?" "The invitation card" The line went all the way out of the building until the library! *yikes* So where do we collect our robe? We asked a few people, giving the "room number" printed on the slips, and were directed upstairs and downstairs and front and back, and finally, found the room, hidden at the back of the first floor of the building. Luckily, there weren't so many people, and we didn't need to queue. *phewww* We got our robes and mortar boards in about 5 minutes or so. JK wanted a studio photo of him in his graduation robe with his parents at "official" photography service set up on campus. "Please don't tell me this is the line for that..." "Yes, I think it is" *oh my sky* After some inquiring, he decided not to have the photo taken then, since it could take forever, judging by the size of the queue. Then we got out of the building and stared at the lines out there. "I think I better take half day off work" I said. "Yeah, I think you should" JK agreed. "I better call my manager" And I realised... I don't have my manager's phone number. *haiyoh* Then, I remember I got a card from my colleague with his mobile number on it just days before, and it should still be in my bag - I found it, called him, and asked to speak to the manager. So again, I explained the situation to him. "What should we do now?" looking at the hoards of people in the lines. "One of us queue in the line for invitations and the other in the line for registering and testing smart-cards; settle the things for each other at the same time." "Good idea, except I think we need the smart-cards in both places." @#$%*&. "OK, the person in the shorter or faster moving line hold the smart-cards, and once done, runs over to pass the cards to the other person in the slower-moving line." "Wow. Great!" We figured that the line for taking the invitation cards would surely be the faster-moving, since smart-card registration and testing involved using computers, card-readers, network and database. We found the end of the line for invitation cards (about 25m at least from the front of the queue) and "enqueued". JK then ran off to check on the line for smart-card registration and testing, and in a while, came back saying that there was only about 15 people in the queue and it seemed to be moving fast. He then took our smart-cards and managed to get them registered and tested about 10 mins later. In another 15 mins or so, we obtained our invitation cards and the "ordeal" was temporarily over. It wasn't so bad afterall, given the initial scare. I even bumped into an old karate-mate whom I had't seen in ages (he's graduating as well). In the evening, my bestfriend came by and gave me a lovely bouquet of pink African Daisies with purple Forget-Me-Nots, some hugs and many good wishes. (Thank you, girls!)

The day. I woke up at 6am, and it wasn't early enough - I forgot I had to spend some time painting my face in the feeble attempt to conceal my ugly pimples. I had planned to start driving by 6.45am, but we ended up leaving at 7am. Walking towards the car, I realised my heels were killing my feet (which were already sorely injured from the-day-before-ordeal) We had to stop by 7-Eleven to get plasters, effectively further delaying the journey. We reached campus at 7.30, and managed to park about 10 mins walk away from the convocation hall. On my way there, I made a toilet-stop. By the time I reached, the postgrads were already in the hall, and the undergrads were pouring in. I wandered in lost and aimless. "Why are you late?!" a lady frowned at me. *oops* She found me a seat in the front row, and I found myself sitting next to a former coursemate, D. JK was also seated in the front row, several places away. The ceremony was supposed to start at 8am, but of course, it didn't start till about 8.20am or so. *normal lar* After the hall was filled, the Academic Procession began, followed by more academics filing in, followed by our honored Madam Chancellor. Next came the National Anthem and another song which I didn't know. Madam Chancellor gave a lengthy speech which impressed many of us, for she was able to recite whole lists of items and technical terms without seemingly referring to her notes or anything. Her eyes were on the audience for most of the time she was talking, and despite her apparent throat irritation, she kept steadily on till the end. Bravo, bravo - everyone clapped heartily for her. Then, it was time to hand out the scrolls. We were ushered to the side of the stage and made to line up - the few postgrads with permanent head damages went first, followed by the rest of us. At the first point, we scanned our smart-cards and our names appeared on the computer screen. Then, we move towards the edge of the stage where a staff stood, letting one go forward while the rest stayed behind. From that second point it was to a third, marked by yet another staff on the stage itself, several meters away from Madam Chancellor, who stood at the center of the stage. Once the previous graduate had received his scroll and walked away, the staff at the third checkpoint would signal the waiting graduate to walk forward, towards Madam Chancellor, with a low "Go!" As each graduate walked out, his / her photo would be projected onto the screen, along with name, degree and a short dedication message; at the same time, the name would be announced. It was a very exciting moment for me, to receive my scroll from Madam Chancellor herself (we didn't have that the last time!) After receiving the scroll, we had to walk down the other side of the stage, to the floor, through the rows of parents and other graduates back to our seats - but there were staff at each point, showing us where to walk. On the whole, it was very neat and efficient. *clap clap* There were so few of us degree-mates that I don't think anyone of us managed to witness each other on stage. The total number of postgrads were not large, and the session concluded soon. Then, two guys came on stage and sang two songs, and several members of the faculty (yes, brilliant academicians with permanent head damages) sang "Sejahtera Malaysia" (and they sang it brilliantly too). D said "Wow... live concert!" Yeah, quite. After that it was time to hand out scrolls to the undergrads - which were extremely numerous. Fortunately, Madam Chancellor was seated while she handed them out. There were so many Engineering grads we sat there till we were stiff and ready to faint. And then, there were twice as many Management grads. @@ JK sent me an SMS just before the end of the Engineering group, and told me to get out of the hall - go to the exit, go toilet. I showed D the message, then said "I'm going now, you come in a while" Several minutes later, the 3 of us were hanging out on the corridor outside the toilets. The guys complained that they cannot breathe. Well, of course - they were wearing shirts, ties and jackets underneath their robes. We lingered around and tried all the doors to get out of the building but they were all locked *sobs* So we took a couple of photos, wandered around a little more and then went back into the hall to our respective seats. We were out for about half an hour but still, the Management graduates were only half-done. I had to admit I was extremely restless and impatient for the rest of the time until the Management grads were all done. Before the convocation was announced to be "postponed" by Madam Chancellor, two more members of the faculty (two pretty ladies) sang another song. Then, it was over and the stampede began. I was stuck in the hall for quite a while because of the jam at the exits, and when I finally got out, I lost my bearing and didn't know which way I should head. I circled the building and when I finally knew where I should walk to, it started to rain. The stampede got worse. By that time, Bee Ree and her JS (who very kindly came all the way to be a part of my convo), and my loukong were already waiting in front of the library for me. I was desperate to get out of the building. I tried a few doors, went upstairs and down again, and ended up where I started. Fortunately, the rain mellowed down to a subtle drizzle in a while, and I was able to walk through it to the library. There were so many people all over the place that I had to shove and elbow my way through but at last, I was there, and there were Bee Ree and JS! *woohooo* Bee Ree & Shell2 (though Shell2 couldn't make it that day) gave me a delightfully beautiful bouquet of fair lilies with a cutie pie teddy bear in graduation robe and mortar board *thank you, thank you, thank you!* We had a few words, some hugs and kisses, several photos, and then they had to leave. There was still such large crowds all over the place that I'd decide not to fight with them to get the rest of my convo stuff (the on-stage photos and scroll - yeah, the real scroll, what we got on stage was just an empty case) A few more photographs with a couple more degree-mates later, I was on my way home.

The day after. The plan was: get to campus 9+am, return the robe and get my deposit, get the on-stage photos, get my scroll & transcript, get back home. Easy. (yeah right) I went first to the counters for collecting scrolls & transcripts (loukong and luilui trailing behind). They were empty *oh good* I asked to have mine, only to be told that all counters are closed until after the convocation session (yes, there was another one in progress) *what?!!* Grumbling and growling, I made my way to the robe returning counters. Thank goodness they were up and operating, and I was able to return the robe and get my deposit back quickly. Next, the photo-collection counters. There were many people and we had to wait a while, but still everything was settled within 20mins or so. It was just after 10am. I went back to the scrolls & transcripts counters and asked what time they would start operating. They said their system was down because the it is in use by the convo party, and will only be up after the convo session had ended, which would be at about 12pm. That was just terrible. Well, since there was a "ConvoFest" there, we walked around, passed the time. By 11.30am, we went back to the counters and hovered around it. The systems were up at close to 12pm and I rushed in immediately (but several more kiasu persons got ahead of me). When it was my turn, I handed my smart-card to the lady behind the counter, only to have her tell me that I am "marked by Finance", and I had to go to Finance to clear the matter, then only they will give me my scroll & trancript. "I have settled EVERYTHING with Finance some weeks ago!!" "We don't know what the problem is - it's not stated here. You have to go to Finance" *$#&@!* Gurgling and hissing, I strode all the way to Finance (it's at almost the other end of the campus!!!) At the front-counter, I explained the matter to the lady there with as little irritation in my voice as I could manage. "You still owe RM1,000" "That RM1000 is to offset my deposit which should be refunded to me. When I made my last payment, I was told I can pay RM1000 less." She hmmm-ed a while. "The deposit... ohh, RM500 for library and RM500 for..." "Yes, yes. So I DON'T owe you anything!" She whispered something to the person next to her while I rolled my eyes, and then sent me to an officer inside Finance. FINE. I went and repeated the whole thing to the lady officer again, at the same time took liberty to grumble about how far I had to walk to clear this problem, how come their system was not updated, bla bla bla. She very much ignored me. She prepared a slip for me to show to the scroll & transcript counter people. "Are you sure this will clear all up?" "Yes" "Sure no more problems?!" "Yes" I made my way out of the department and ... IT WAS RAINING! Again?!! *ARGHHHH* I strode all the way back to the scroll & transcript counters with rain splashing on me, pushing and shoving whoever and whatever was in my way and made it there half-soaked and messy-haired. I grumbled non-stop while the slowcoaches looked for my scroll & transcript. A couple was there at the same time, and after the girl had her smart-card scanned, was told that she still owed the library some fines. She insisted that she'd settled the fines, but could not produce the receipts because she left them at home. I was thinking, wow, your turn to go fight through the crowds and rain to the library (not as bad as to Finance, because the distance to library is only a small fraction of what I had gone through) However, the counter person, after having her assure him that she had indeed paid the fines, simply handed her her scroll & transcript. *what the ... %&$#* After I got mine, I said out loud "Wait, let me check to make sure it's RIGHT" After that I waited outside for my loukong and luilui to fight through the crowds (they were waiting elsewhere) and a few more crowd-fightings later, we were on our way home. *I survived!*

For the girls who presented me bouquets, thank you! For those who sent me congratulatory messages, thank you! For those who had the patience to read this post from beginning to end, thank you! Despite all I had written above, I am very happy...


... see? Really very happy!