Happy

There was a time, perhaps a year, perhaps two, ago, that a dear friend commented that I was sad. She saw, right past the jovial mood, lighthearted banter and careless laughter, the sadness in my eyes. She wanted to know - why, what, who? I care deeply about the people who genuinely care about me, and appreciate much - so much - their concern, but I couldn't say. I can't say. I'd like to think that life is simple; I want a simple life - but sometimes, things just aren't the way I want them to be. And I can't make them.

It's been a long time, a really long time, since someone told me I am happy. I was a little - just a little - taken by surprise. It may not have meant much to the person who uttered it, but it reminded me of the other comment, so starkly different, that it meant a lot more to me.

Perhaps it is making a conscious effort to be fine about everything - to be patient with those I love and apathetic with those I don't, to leave work at work and not get angry with certain people at work (by plotting a get-even scheme... kidding!), and to indulge in whatever and whenever I feel like it. Perhaps I have finally found a way to let go of the complications that is life, and just live. Or perhaps it's all due to the medication I'd been taking for my tummy troubles...

Then, perhaps I will no longer be happy in a few months, or weeks, or days. Perhaps...