Saturday, March 22, 2014

Weird Sounds Past Midnight

There was once, when I was a child, laying in bed in the middle of the night, I heard weird sounds. I am convinced I was awake then - one would have to be awake to be trembling in fear - but I accept that I might had been only half-conscious, or completely unconscious and dreaming away. There is no way to determine that now. I was 8, maybe 9 years old, my family members were all fast asleep, and the house was in near-complete darkness. I heard rattling of the iron grill at the main door.

It was loud, it was clear - it was as if someone, or something, was grappling with it. It rattled. Then, silence. Rattling. Silence. Rattling. The pattern repeated for a good while. I heard it all, and was so terrified I couldn't move, couldn't make a sound - not even to wake my little sister sleeping in the next bed. I don't know how long it went on, I never found out what it was. Chances are, I never told anyone about that night.

There was another instance my sister heard crying in the house. She had somehow awoken, in the dead of night, and heard distinct sounds of weeping - heartbreaking cries, she added - from another part of the house. She was in her bedroom and had not dared to venture out to investigate. She told no one of it then, and only related the experience to me several months later.

As I sit here typing these words, I hear sounds coming from downstairs. Like, things being moved, doors or windows being opened or closed, indeterminate slight clickings and clankings. My family is fast asleep. All lights except that of my room are off. To insist that I am past the age of being terrified would be to be untruthful. I am in fear. Who wouldn't be spooked by unexplained noises one would not expect to hear at this unworldly hour?

This is unlike the iron grill rattling from my childhood, which may very well be nothing more than a vivid dream, given that I cannot be sure if I wasn't asleep. I am fully awake now. This is also unlike the mysterious crying my sister told of, for I was quite sure it was me she heard. Staying up all night and crying was something I tended to do as young adult when feeling depressed. (I am not crazy... wuahahahah *Ahem*) But this - now - I cannot explain what I'm hearing.

And so, yes. I am scared...

Tuesday, March 11, 2014


I'm not sure I believe in them... but we sure could use one right now. My thoughts are with the 239 souls aboard MH370.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Nothing To Say

Sometimes, there are just so much on my mind I want to simply spell everything out... yet, as I'm sitting, staring at the blank screen, I have nothing to say.

Certain things are too complicated; others too sensitive, or controversial, or at risk of putting others in trouble; there are those I feel reluctant to share under the semi-transparent cloak of anonymity. In short, I have so much, yet, nothing. It's the closet-full-of-clothes-and-nothing-to-wear situation again.

Perhaps it is more accurate to say that it isn't that I have nothing to say - it is that I have nothing I want to say.

Both life and work are too complicated for my liking at the moment. In the next, when things become more favourable, perhaps, I should find the the writer that I hope is still within me.

Goodnight, world.

Monday, February 17, 2014


People talk. People talk behind people's backs. Do we all not know it already?

I'm really stating the obvious here - rarely do people talk positively of others behind their backs. Of the negative things said, though some may be true, much, I believe, are likely to be false, or immensely exaggerated to appear worse. The reason is simple - it is more enjoyable putting people down. The reason it is more enjoyable putting others down is also simple - it raises one's self-worth, albeit unjustifiably. So, really, people talk.

Sometimes, I come to know of the stuff said behind my back. There are good things, there are bad ones. There are false accusations, there are baseless assumptions. Mostly, they feel like arguments made against one, to which one simply does not have the means nor the opportunity, ever, to offer a rebuttal, or a defense, or anything at all.

This is life. And people will keep talking. Regardless.

So, let them. Let them have this one small recreation to liven up their otherwise mundane life.

You're welcome.

Saturday, January 4, 2014


I once said, not entirely in jest, that December is like the weekend, and January is like Monday. Don't you agree? The very last month of every year is all holidays, festivities and taking days off just so they are not forfeited by the end of the year.

January 1st is like Sunday night.

January 2nd is when children start their first days at school, adults go back to their workplaces, and all roads get clogged up terribly at precisely the hours you need to use them. A friend responded to my musing with "*an expletive* One whole month of blues!"


How is your 2014 so far, Reader? I made a little bunny ears hat for my teddy on the first day (for self-entertainment) -


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The End of 2013

The year wasn't particularly better or worse than all the previous ones. Apart from functional dyspepsia, annoying rashes (on my forehead!) from an indeterminate allergen, and various joint injuries, I was in good health. I did not have any major breakthroughs in my research, nor contributed to my university in any monumental manner, but I gave my fair share of effort and energy, taught my students with my whole heart, and treated all who had to deal with me with utmost respect and sincerity. I was not deliberately hurt, slighted, nor slandered by anyone... I was adequately occupied and sufficiently happy. All in all, 2013 was fine - no complaints.

And here we are... at the end of it all.

Hope 2014 brings everyone the passionate drive, strength, and determination to work and strive for the heart's most desired.

To my loved ones - I love you still.

To the cockroach which flew right at me during class last week - please don't do that again. Kindly inform the rest of the members of your species too. Thanks.

Happy New Year, folks!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Costume Party

Two months ago, during Halloween season, my roomee's department organized a party in the office and everyone was expected to dress up, of course. My roomee spent quite some effort (by my standard - for her, she didn't consider borrowing a few items, buying a black tiara, and doing the makeup "a lot of effort") transforming herself into the Black Swan. I wondered then, for a moment, what I'd do if I were invited to a costume party. (I'd never been invited to a Halloween party...)

At my previous company, there was a theme for every annual dinner we had. I am not that ashamed to admit that I never bothered to dress accordingly... I'd just dig whatever out of my closet that was closest to the theme, and wear it... often without accessories or even proper makeup. I am this sort of boring person, at whom you right now probably feel like shouting "You only live once!" (my roomee just did...)

So, what if I were invited to a costume party? Turns out, I am... and not just a party, but a wedding celebration party! The theme is Gatsby. *Gasp!*

Right. Google showed me that I would need a basic loose-fit dress, a long bead necklace preferably with matching bracelet, and an extravagant (= ridiculous) headband. I should be able to put that together... *Ahem*

Yup, this will be my once-in-a-lifetime best-effort costume assembly. Maybe, who knows, I will find the passion for a once-in-a-lifetime go-all-out one in the future, before I die... =P