Insult

I resent this thing, which is boldly displayed on campus:


If you're an academician and you don't, you ought to. Specifically, I object to the use of the word remedy here. My dictionary defines remedy as

1. a way of dealing with or improving an unpleasant or difficult situation
2. a treatment or medicine to cure a disease or pain ...
3. a way of dealing with a problem, using the processes of the law

So does KFC imply, with that poster, that lectures are basically unpleasant/diffcult? Like a disease/pain? A problem that needed to be dealt with?

The person who wrote this ad, and/or the person who hired the person who wrote it, and/or the person who approved the person who hired the person who wrote it must be less than a half-wit. It is quite likely he never attended any of his unpleasant, difficult, painful, problematic lectures before. Of course, if lectures made him sick, then it makes perfect sense that he'd rather sacrifice his grey matter development and live with stunted cognitive processes than to endure being ill so much. Hard to imagine that the insufferable lectures were harder to endure than a public humiliation of having written a statement which insults every lecturer in the university in which it is displayed. But then it would be too much to ask of someone who hasn't intelligence enough to know lectures are good for him to realise the gravity of his idiocy and to understand the meaning of shame, let alone to feel it or be affected by it.

Well done, KFC guy who hired the hollow-skulled fool who wrote this, and approved it. You are welcome to remedy my indignation with a big fat apology, or some big fat vouchers for fried chicken. Bee Ree would definitely love to share those with me.

Big Drop of Spectacles

Methought I'd never live to experience this:-

Me: It will look good on your resume.
Him: What is resume?

Dear boy, it is not that I minded defining resume for you - it would even be my pleasure to teach you how to write tolerably presentable one - but that I needed to explain what it is!

Just when I thought I'd seen everything the academic career has to show, it shows me something new! Just as I thought I'd heard all excuses, there comes a new one; just as I thought I'd seen all sorts of pleading notes on exam scripts, someone composes a revolutionary one; just as I thought I'd run out of stuff to write about this job, something happens that makes good writing topic! The more I know about teaching, the more I am aware that I know too little.

Have a nice day!

Wedding in Planning

Mee Mee married Teofukina!


The happy couple registered their marriage somewhen last month, as detailed by Bee Ree here, and the eager bride is now engaged in full-time research into the world of wedding planning, for everything from make-up to photographers.

She shared some of her research output with me today, and I (who happen to be in a very sour mood right now... gah!) saw the following which irritated me to no end.

1. http://www.malaysiabrides.com/
What is Malaysia Brides? Shouldn't this be Malaysian Brides? And what's more... some of the members liberally and indiscreetly use the abbreviation "ROM" (which I understand to be registration of marriage or read-only memory) in every absurd way imaginable - "we are ROM already", "you guys just ROM", "when you already ROM", "you have ROM or not?" etc. You get the idea.

2. http://www.weddingisle.com.my/
Do you see what I see? Are you thinking the same as I am? Isle - an island. Aisle - which you walk down when you get married in a church. Do they really mean to convey the meaning island of nuptials? Or isolated land of marriages? I hardly think so. Look at their bridal images and you'll see there's a style called "glamoures". To think they charge RM500 - 1000 per make-up package and they can't afford a spellcheck! Gah!

I hope I will be writing more on Mee Mee's upcoming wedding, and I hope the posts will be more romantic. Gah!!

(I just realised this post has a title-content mismatch! Gah!!!)

Malu-fying Ads

What the ... ?!

Look at this:


And this: (which is worse because the entire write-up sounds cacat!)

GAH!

English Post

After reading Bee Ree's post on "England", I am inspired to post this piece which I had received in my e-mailbox some years back. It never failed to amuse me. Enjoy:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Hav a plesant day und a gret wekend ahed.

Conversations of Anons

It was about 5.30pm on a Friday, and Anon1 told me "Sien lar... wanna go home now" "Me too" I said. A little bit more whinning later, Anon1 said "share something with u so u can have stomach cramp" (cramp resulting from keeping from laughing out loud). This is what Anon1 shared with me:

i said "thank you for your help Anon2." Anon2 replied "it's my pressure." PRESSure???? hello??? did i tell u about the EXIT thing? Anon2 said "you cannot use this exist.....you must use the loading exist. if u need to use this exist, please inform the security in advance in order for them to help you to exist." okie, called her to ask where to meet for our meeting "which floor Anon2?" Anon2 said "village floor." "huh?? village?" "yes.....village floor." "ermm...*scratch head*...can u pls spell it?" and Anon2 said " R-E-L-I-S-H......village floor." duh!!! lucky she can spell.

By this time, I was not only having severe abdominal spasms, but also hiccups and at risk of internal organs bleeding. Obviously Anon1 does not like Anon2. I asked if there is a photo of Anon2 I can look at. Anon1 provided me with one. There were a few people in the shot. "Which one is Anon2?"

the one like "tin kai" one. and a face so tembam like bread rendam-ed in water for one nite

I laughed so hard at this I temporarily lost the ability to type...

Thanks, Anon1, for such an amusingly grand finale to last week :D

Play-ability

I saw this DVD player last night at a shop - it boasts to be DVD, DVD-R, DVD-RW, CD, VCD, MP3 etc. compatible. Very impressive. Then, I saw the advertisement sign for the player on top of it: the slogan went something like "What you have, we can play" and in bold caps "KING OF PLAYABILITY". I laughed out loud reading that (and people who saw me must had thought I was crazy). Well, there is nothing wrong with the word "playability" - it just strikes me as a really funny way of describing a DVD player :P

Bad English vs Bad Attitude

The Star has this section which allows readers to spot and publicly humiliate people with poor English usage, called Mind Our English. It created a whole new breed of stuck-up, snobbish people who think that their English is sooo good, who submit photos of signage or labels with bad grammar and/or spelling, who make (in my humble opinion) insulting comments or jokes on these mistakes. I would think the ridicule acceptable if these mistakes were committed by professionals (eg, the academicians: I have heard this from a fellow lecturer - "Are you cook yourself every day?") or were spotted on official government property. However, some were simply handwritten cardboards signs put up by farm owners, hawkers, coffeeshop owners - the likes. One can imagine they probably didn't had much knowledge (nor the need to know much of) the English language. (No, I am not being discriminating) So is it really fair to point out (and make fun of) their errors in public? Give them a break! Another thing I absolutely cannot stand is how some of these peacocks make fun of how people pronounce certain "English" words which are actually not English to begin with - brand names originating from French, especially (the most famous examples: carrefour, peugeot). How can you label a person as having poor English for not knowing how to pronounce a word which is essentially French? Cacat.

My readers may conclude that I appear to be a hypocrite, since I too, have a habit of pointing out and making public (as "public" as my blog could be) certain mistakes made by others. Well, sure I do - but I don't insult people like snobs do. (Do I?) If I want to quote and make fun of all the bad English that I encounter everyday, I wouldn't have time to breathe. I only quote those that are unusually interesting and amusing, such as the following:

Would you believe it, I saw on this online album of what looked like a wedding ceremony, with this title: Wedding Day - Broom Arrival. I was sure the author meant "Groom" instead of "Broom"! Afterall, the letter "G" is adjacent to "B" on the keyboard, and a typo like that is absolutely possible. Just a typo, I told myself. And then... I saw the next album, also of the same wedding ceremony, labeled: Wedding Day - Broom meets the Bride. A little romantic alliteration? Maybe. No, I am not going to make any derogatory remarks about it. ;)

Today

Today started off rather poorly, with a heavy downpour in the early morning until noon. I went to class and there was nobody in it. I waited for 5 mins and a girl walked in. Three others came in 15 mins late, two 30 mins late, two more 45 mins late, and (are you ready for the finale?) one strolled in 60 mins late. My blood was 0.005 degrees away from the boiling point. I gave him the coldest and fiercest glare I was capable of, and asked him if he knew what time it was. And then, it was excuse, excuse, excuse, and more excuses. Fine. Whaaaaaatever. He's a gone case anyhow.<

Today will end, however, in a much more amusing manner. It is close to 5pm now and I had just received an email sent by someone (to everyone), and it goes like this:

I found a group of keys (6 pieces) in xxxxx at 2 pm (27/7/06)Want them back? Come and get it.

I couldn't help laughing, and couldn't help wondering whom this guy had learned in English from. If my memory serves me right, this wasn't the first time I received a lost-and-found email with "come and get it" in it. Do any readers of mine actually get this variety of amusement at work? Do share!

On Apology

Where I work, a lot of meetings and stuff are made compulsory, and if anyone were not able to make it, he/she will have to submit a written apology. One such meeting was held a couple of days ago, and it was a pretty important one since we held discussions with our counterparts from a university in UK through a speaker phone (and yes - long distance phone call). Still, naturally, there were some people who were not able to make it.

During the meeting, the kwai-lo on the line posed a question to a lecturer who weren't in the room, and instead of the simple, straight-forward "He is not available today" or "He's unable to come to this meeting", the chair on our side here said "Oh, he's on apology!" - being, I guess, too eager to indicate to the kwai-lo that the absent lecturer was absent with apology, not just absent. Anyhow, if the kwai-lo noticed it, he pretended rather well to have understood what the our guy here said. Probably he's already used to it.

Big Mouth's Big Mistake

Just felt like writing about this incident which happened somewhen last week. The Big Mouth in my class who can't seem to stop talking, nor turn down the volume of his unwelcome speeches, said something which would make all dead English teachers roll in their graves.

So there I was, showing the class how something is to be done, and upon completion, asked the customary "All of you done?". Mr Big Mouth, who happened to think that he has a superb command of English with a flourish, replied immediately (which is a habit that irritates me like mad!) in a loud and obnoxious tone "Yup! Been there, done that!"

It was so revolting I nearly fell off my chair! Does he even know what that expression means? Is it just me, or are people who think they are so smart (but are not, actually) simply unbearable? I marvel at myself for having put up with his nonsensical comments for as long as I have. Come end of semester, quickly, please!!!

Something Amusing

The following is an extract from an email sent by a colleague, about things that the students should not do in their hostel rooms (word-for-word, complete and unabridged - except for omissions to protect privacy). I personally find it amusing (not the gist of the message, but rather the author's style of writing and expressions). Would you be amused as well? Read and you'll find out.


No smoking in the room
Reason: Smoking might cause the lung cancer. Therefore, we are big brother and sister should look after our students’ health. Remember our government had launched a non-smoking campaign "Tak Nak Merokok" two years ago? Smoking also cause other non-smoking residents feel annoying. So, we must help them. If they are already addicted, so we have to advise them to smoke outside our campus.

No Sharp items in the room like, Samurai and sword
Reason: All these weapons might hurt other residents. We will confiscate all these weapons. I know, in the market, there are certain weapons like samurai can be used as room decoration. But, this has to get the permission from (omitted)

No alcohol drink
Reason: This might cause the student become drunkard!! Once they become drunkard, they might cause a lot of problems in the Hostel. I remember the case four years ago which happened in the (omitted). One Indonesian student get drunk, and he try to commit suicide. Luckily, we had stopped him jumped from fourth floor.

No refrigerator in the room
Reason: This might cause our electricity bill increase. Not only that, the fuse might blow so often. Actually, we have to identify those electrical equipment’s power rating. Those equipments’ power rating more than 900 W will be confiscated. Microwave oven also not allowed in the room

No pets in the room
Reason: apart from fish, no other pets allowed to keep in the room

No gambling in the room
Reason: illegal gambling will be reported to (omitted)

No illegal residents stay in the room
Reason: This one, I want to highlight at here is: for those students who already graduated, they are not allowed to stay in with their friends. This was happened quite often all the time. So, we have to open our eyes big Big and BIG! to monitor this issue...


Are you amused? Have a great day ahead. :)

Erm~ Pardon Me?

It is exams season again; and it's all a tense monotony save for this email which came through today. As a semesterly reminder to all of us who will invigilate the exams, it goes:


1) When asking students to leave their bags and belongings, please DO NOT let them leave them outside as there were THREE theft cases just today. Let the bags be INSIDE the venue. If the student takes their personal belongings (purses, handphones, etc) into the room, the student MUST put them on the side of the table.

-- "...let them leave them..."? Well ok, bad writing habit, but we get what you mean.

-- "...the student takes their personal belongings..." Cool. 1 student is in charge of everyone's belongings

-- "...at the side of the table..." Wow, that's really asking for too much - how on earth are the belongings going to defy gravity to remain at the side of the table?


2) ...(bla bla bla)... Please be discrete and quiet as the students will probably be having exams.

-- I cannot imagine what else would students be having in Exam venues during Exams time if not having exams.


Now, who wants to slap my wrists for having just posted the contents of somebody's email on the Internet? :D

Stupid Famous People

Alright, I am not writing about any particular stupid famous people here - I came across this phrase on the Internet, earlier today. And it got me mulling, as I have always done, whenever I come across interesting points in English grammar. As a rule, multiple adjectives (eg: big, red), when used to describe a noun (eg: dog), must be arranged in a fixed order:

opinion -> size -> age -> shape -> colour -> origin -> material -> purpose

That means, one must say "a big, red dog" and not a "red, big dog". (Cute Siamese kitten; large sleeping bag; creepy little spider; bla bla etc) However, if there one wants to use two adjectives of the same category (such as "stupid" and "famous") - how would the order be? Or would it be the same in either way?

Does "stupid famous people" mean exactly the same as "famous stupid people"? Seriously speaking, I have no idea - although they sound quite different to me. "Famous stupid people" seems to be describing people who are famous for their stupidity; and "stupid famous people" seems to be describing people, who are famous (for whatever reasons) who happen to be stupid also. Hardly convincing, huh?

We need Professor Blinking-Hell! :D

Late Night Amusement

I bought a new hair brush yesterday, and just now, I took it out of its packaging. I don't normally read the description written on the package, but having nothing better to do at the moment, I scanned through the writing on a cardboard label inside the pastic box. The first sentence caught my attention, and the rest was enough amusement to last till tomorrow morning! Here's what was written:

Quote -
"THROUGH THE EFFECT OF MILDLY WARM FROM FAR INFRARDE RAYS, IT CAN ADVANCE BLOOD CIRCULATION IN SCALP AND MAKE GOOD FOR HAIR. NATURAL MINERAL'S MINUS-ION REFRESHES BODY AND MIND. WITH GERMICIDE, IT HAS THE EFFECT OF ANTI-ERMS ANDPREVENTING FOUL SMELL. YOU CAN USE IT NEATLY AND RELAXEDLY. IT HAS EFFECT OF PROTECT FROM SPLIT HAIR AS THE RESULT OF STATIC ELECTRICITY WHEN HAIR BRUSHING, YOU CAN FEEL SMOOTHLY "

The above is taken from the label word-for-word, spelling-for-spelling, grammar-for-grammar, punctuation-for-punctuation. :D