Thursday, March 21, 2013

Pre-Dawn Consciousness

In my teens, I was accustomed to go to bed very early and wake up by 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning (I usually left for school at 7am). I used to love those hours because it was dark and quiet all around, and I'd be literally all by myself. It suited me, and my family members never minded much my oddities. In university, it was common for me to stay up all night - along with my roomees and other nocturnal friends (yes, fellow humans, in addition to our hamster and rabbit, and we'd keep each other company via online chatting). Right now, I am wide awake at a time of the night that used to be my favourite, but I am no longer enjoying it. I need my sleep, for the obvious reason that I have a job which requires me to be awake during the day.

Every so often I am afflicted by insomnia. There was a time, some years ago, I was down with some form of depression and I suffered sleeplessness every single night, sometimes crying half the hours away. Of course, I am nothing like that now. My mind is simply too occupied - too obstinately occupied. It is frustrating in that I know exactly what the problem is, yet am utterly unable to overcome it by sheer will-power. If there is a will there is a way? Nope... sometimes the will just isn't enough.

It's been days. If I do not get over this soon, I'd have to wear make-up just so I don't inadvertently scare anyone I meet....

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