Every so often when sleep eludes me - this instance courtesy of the delightful white coffee I had at dinner - I simply sit and ponder life. Sometimes, it's life in general, sometimes it's mine specifically. Tonight, I'm thinking of all the people who like, dislike and downright detest me, and the reasons I think compelled them to.
I thought about those so vindictive in addition to cutting me completely off they talk behind my back, attempt to turn mutual friends against me and / or write nasty, slanderous public posts. It hurts, of course, but I am aware, to a good degree, why those who I know despise me feel that way. I have faults and I know what tick some people off, but I don't usually bother to modify my attitude unless the person affected is someone I truly love and care about. Well, I don't go about routinely pissing people off for fun, but as someone once said to me - if one isn't hated by anyone at all, one doesn't have a personality.
It is in this contemplation that I realised that there is one person, whose disapproval of me began a long, long time ago and has since festered into a full-fledged, open hatred, who I never knew how I offended. I couldn't care less now than I have cared all these years past - that I didn't realise I never thought about the reason - but I feel, right now, a pang of curiosity. Of course, I know very well that nothing will be different eitherway, but there is this part of me that really wants to get to the bottom of everything. It is an affliction and a serious one too. Sometimes, even after I get answers by putting together tell-tale signs and all that, I will still pursue the matter until I get a concrete confirmation. So, yea... I'm very curious - I'm wondering what could I have said, done, or been, that could have made someone keep so tenacious a grudge - and it's puzzling because I don't care at all about the said person, and as I said, I will not change a thing, regardless. It is simply much like reading a detective tale and desiring to get to the page where the criminal mastermind is revealed.
Anyway, some things in life will always remain a mystery, and some things are better left as such. Ignorance is not the bliss I want, but sometimes, it is the only bliss there is...