On the Road

... with the Anus, the Hogger and the Bully.

The Anus
It was a bright and beautiful morning, and I was on my way to work. I was on this long, straight road, and a little way ahead was a right turn I needed to take. I turned the right indicator on, checked the side mirror and even turned my head to the right to make sure I don't miss any blind spots, and decided I could ease into the right lane as there were no cars within risky distances. There was a car behind me on the fast lane, though it was so far away I couldn't even make out the shape of its driver inside. Just as I started to swerve into the right lane, though, the driver of the aforesaid car decided to increase its speed exponentially. He (yes, later I saw that it was a male Anus) sped all the way right to the rear of my car just as I had comfortably completed my lane-change, and honked me! It was so totally unnecessary! Did he really need to speed up? Did he have to come so near so quickly, and did he need to honk?!

The Hogger
I needed bread in the stead of the dinner which I had no time to take, so I drove to a petrol station. There, I parked at the designated area, and went about my errand. After I was done, I got back into my car and reversed out of my parking space. Just as I was about to drive away, I noticed a huge 4WD blocking the way. It wasn't immediately clear what the driver intended to do. The car went forward a little, reversed a little, went forward a little more, then reversed again, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he (as before, I noticed later that the driver was a male Hogger) was in my way. In fact, he seemed oblivious to the fact that the area was very cramp, and he could very easily had knocked into my car. After a few moments of waiting for the Hogger to make up his mind on where he really wanted to go, I noticed that the owner of the car parked beside me had reversed her car to leave as well. Of course she was unable to go, because my car was in her way, and I couldn't get out of her way, because the Hogger was still in mine, wriggling forwards and backwards with no apparent reason. If that wasn't enough, very quickly I noticed yet another car on the other end of the Hogger trying to leave the parking area, and couldn't, because it was obstructed as well. The 4WD was really huge. After what seemed like infinite numbers of minute forwards and reverse moves, it became clear that the logical thinking-impaired and common sense-lacking Hogger was actually trying to reverse into the parking space which I had recently, very recently, vacated! Couldn't he had waited until I had actually left first? Did he have to be so selfish as to obstruct and inconvenience THREE (3) other vehicles while he took 5 minutes to park?!

The Bully
I was reaching a traffic light, with a long line of cars in front of me, so I slowed down. From the corner of my eye, I saw something white and bright swerving sharply from the left to the right lane of the road, then almost screeching to a halt. It was as if the driver of the white car lost control. Then, abruptly the car reversed several meters, and jerked forward, weaving through the line of cars approaching the traffic light, and again almost screeched to a halt at the leftmost lane. I noticed the driver at that moment - yes, the Bully is another male. It took me just a moment longer to realise that he was deliberately stopping his car in front of another car, a silver one, driven by a lady, with another girl in the front passenger seat. For the next few seconds it was actually scary to watch - at first, the lady tried to reverse out of the way, but the man in his white car followed suit and blocked her way out. Then, she went forward, and he did the same. I don't know how she did it, but she did - she reversed again (which he did as well, just so he could stop her from getting away) and managed to change gear and accelerate forward so quickly that he couldn't do the same in time to block her path in front. She sped past the traffic light just as it was turning from yellow to red, and as one would expect, he ran the red just so he could chase after the silver car which got away. It was one of the rarest times that I was thankful that it was then red light, so I'd be stuck at the junction for a while, while the white and silver cars went on their ways. But no, that wasn't the end - passing the junction a minute or two later, I turned into the highway, normally with very smooth-flowing traffic, and found that it was congested. All the cars moved slowly and cautiously. I saw the reason a little way ahead - the same white car, in front of the silver one, moving at the speed of a snail. Somehow, he must've managed to catch up with her and overtook her, and was now simply stopping her in whichever direction she tried to go. He was so deliberate at it, it made me sick. I don't know what he could had gained from doing that sort of bullying on the road. Did he imagine that he'd be thought of as a great driver, a stud, a real manly man?

If you are a girl, reader, would you even consider dating any one of those male specimens I wrote about? Do you seriously think they are very masculine, oozing testosterone and reeking of excitement and adventure? Like, seriously?