Monday, May 9, 2011

Writing For The Sake Of Writing

Do you believe that I can write half a thousand words about nothing in particular? It isn’t that I have nothing better to do. I do. In fact, I have obligations far more pressing, requiring way more attention and effort that I care to give. Having to do something and wanting to do something are two totally different matters. Right now, I want to write. I want to write so much so that I’ve decided it is not a crime to afford myself a half hour’s time to write – even if about nothing in particular. Of course, it also isn’t that I actually have nothing to write about. I do. I can, and actually do, oftentimes, write about anything and everything – little matters, insignificant incidents, encounters, excerpts of conversations, observations and contemplations, wishful thinking and silly fantasies – just about anything at all. No, I have decided to write about “nothing” not because I have nothing to write about. It simply is that, at this very moment, there is nothing specific that I wish to share with the world, to justify writing it here. It is a funny contradiction, if you really thought about it – wanting to write to share with the world, but not wanting to share at the same time. Perhaps it is as I had once put it – that we bloggers (since I write on a blog, I suppose I am technically a blogger, though I tend to think of myself more a writer than a typical blogger) are all attention-seekers. Perhaps it isn’t that I wish to share this much (or this little) of my life that I have been sharing here, in this space, all these years, but that I just needed a little attention from the world. Perhaps I needed to know I am not so completely invisible, inconsequential and ignored as I constantly feel. Perhaps all I needed was the knowledge that somewhere out in cyberspace, a small handful of Anons are reading me, sharing my thoughts and – dare I say it? – enjoying the read. In these days and times of fast-paced living and selfish pursuit, very few care to stop and appreciate anyone at all. I do not deny the possibility that I am guilty of it just the same as people around me who I feel do not appreciate me. Although I suppose it would not be wrong to say that we should not need to feel appreciated in order to feel good about ourselves and what we are capable of, I must say to be appreciated is truly awesome. There is no need for the blatant declaration of “I appreciate it”. In fact, the several times I’ve had that said in my face, it turned out the speaker only said it for the sake of saying it, or in place of something (s)he would rather not put in words, or because (s)he couldn’t think of a better response, and in fact, meant none whatsoever of it. Just in case a small handful of friends reading this right now feel slighted, thinking I’m accusing them of non-appreciation, I need to stress that this is just another soliloquy of mine, put into writing. I certainly do not mean to direct any messages - hidden or otherwise - to anyone.

There – it wasn’t all that hard to do.

It’s amazing how much better I feel right now, as compared to the way I did when I started. Thank you, Reader, for the little attention you have showered upon this poor, obscure, plain and little writer.

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