Traffic jam. Jam when it's time to go home. Jam when it rains. Jammed till I'm numb in the driver's seat.
Numb. Numb to the usual irritants. Numb to the unattainable want of a direction. Numb to the increasing loss of the zest for life. Numbed till conscious efforts are needed to stay functional.
Conscious effort. Conscious effort to focus on the positive. Conscious effort to ignore the rest. Conscious effort to be convinced that happiness exists. Conscious effort to not think of all the missing bits. Conscious effort to live each day as it comes.
Live. Live for those I love. Live for those who love and depend on me. Live for those who believe in me. Live for the work I have resolved to undertake. Live for the innate need to improve accomplishments. Live, because I am alive.
I'm alive but I'm still.
I'm still but the days, weeks and months flee.
I'm alive, living, and watching my life pass me by...