When you get very extremely pissed, you can try to remedy with a joke marathon:
What is a Kiss?
Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.
Male or Female?
FREEZER BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES: Male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Male, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this - it easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
- One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
- The law of gravity says it's not fair jumping up without coming back down.
- Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
- Lime is a green-tasting rock.
- Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
- In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
- A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
- A monsoon is a French gentleman.
- It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
Still pissed. Damn.
C++ defines friends to perfection: Friendship is granted, not taken.
If you grant someone your friendship, it doesn't mean that that person grants you his/hers in return. If you are sincere and true in being a friend, it doesn't mean you are in the least appreciated, and definitely doesn't mean anything you gave will be reciprocated. If you gave your heart out, it stands a good chance of being stomped and trampled on.
Most of the time, only those you really care about, those whom you thought were your true friends can piss you off so severely, and hurt you so deeply.